were i a dinosaur, i’d be mega-sore-ass

I’m pretty sure I might have hemorrhoids. I’ve been pretty sure for years, but there’s only irritation when I’ve been traveling and mess up my eating/sleeping/bathroom routines, like visiting multiple houses for Christmas can do. But I’m worried about it today, because I’m back at work, where the paper is one step above corncobs in an outhouse. I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes and a twisting hot poker tip in my ass, when I figure some cold water might give me a wee bit of relief. I h

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